“Life Balance” is a Crock
What does…
A pot of gold at the end of a rainbow
A “functional” family
And “life balance”
… all have in common?
They all sound neato, but none of them really exist.
As a follow-up to the Forgotten “Secrets” to Success and our decline of hard work ethic, one of the great misnomers I continually hear touted by toga-wearing “life coaches” is the idea of “life balance”. It’s malarkey (love that word!).
There is no such thing. Just like everyone comes from a “dysfunctional family” (every family is dysfunctional – it has people in it), everyone’s life is also out of balance. Pursuing this illusion is only going to frustrate you (causing you to be even more imbalanced… and a little insane).
Every life is out of balance; that’s life… and what happens in life? Shitake happens! And you have to ebb and flow with the changing tides, the shifting winds, the weather, the seasons, oncoming obstacles, etc.
Life is in a constant state of flux. There are times when you need all hands on deck for tacking the boat to avoid collision and there are other times when you can go hang out in the galley and play cards with the boat on autopilot. Through it all you are always going to be changing the priority of your time and attention. You will always be off kilter and shifting your balance.
Now don’t start throwing your meditation mats at me; of course we can’t sacrifice everything for the sake of any one thing. We have to constantly keep up our health, relationships, finances, spirituality and nurture of self during and through it all.
But here is what I see happening: This illusive concept of “life balance” is making us feel guilty about everything all the time. Why? Because it’s not possible, it doesn’t exist, it’s not the way it works, thus all it does is take us off course and make us feel like failures. We keep chasing rainbows frustrated that we never seem to get to the pot of gold.
There was a period in my life where I thought I was an incredibly dull and an overly intense person. I didn’t have a hobby and I felt bad about it. I liked to do a lot of things, but didn’t love to do anything, except work. I went on a hobby hunt. Seriously, I proactively searched and attempted various hobbies – golf, tennis, mountain biking, road biking, photography, basketball, surfing, fishing, hiking, kayaking, running, etc. While I liked them all, I didn’t love any of them.
My criterion was, What do I love doing that I would get up at 4 a.m. to do? This is what friends of mine do to hunt, fish, golf, surf, etc. In the end, I decided, the only thing I would willingly get up at 4 a.m. to do is to work… and you know what – that is OK! My hobby is work. I would rather be creating, building and advancing my (business) passions than any other hobby.
Now I still do all those activities above, but here is the key: I no longer feel guilty for being “out of balance” to some illusive definition.
Show me one person who has had “life balance” all their life and is also an extraordinary business and financial success. Don’t state the guy or gal who made a bunch of money and now vacations four months a year. I’m talking about during the building process (there is always a freak exception, but I am talking about the rule).
Take a look at our cover profiles: Robert and Kim Kiyosaki, Donald Trump, Dr. Oz, Tony Hawk, Donny Deutsch, Tony Robbins, General Colin Powell, Suze Orman, Lance Armstrong, Richard Branson, David Foster, etc. I doubt any of you work as hard as those guys and gals.
I like how Robert Kiyosaki explained it when I asked him about this concept:
Life is like walking. Only when you stand still are you balanced. To walk forward you have to throw your body forward, become imbalanced; then it is up to you to kick your leg under yourself to catch your fall, one step at a time. The very act of walking is a constant fall, constant imbalance. You have to become imbalanced to move forward.
Here is the key distinction: Everyone above does have life balance. Why? Because I define life balance not as the number of hours separated from work, but rather the number of hours you utilize your life force to do what you love doing, what is exhilarating and fulfilling to your soul. If you hate work and love golf, then unless you are a professional golfer, you are going to be “out of balance” a lot of your life.
Summary of the key points I am driving at:
1) Life is going to require an imbalance of time in certain areas of your life at different times throughout your life; don’t fret and get all in a ball about your lack of “life balance.”
2) Redefine “balance” as doing the things you love, even if it’s “working.”
Oh, and 3) If you don’t love your work (you do it because you have to eat), you are never going to achieve a feeling of balance… and life’s always gonna kind of suck for you. Try finding work you love.
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“malarkey”, “Shitake” Darren isn’t holding back with this one kids! This is a great post Darren, another one to print out and live “out”.
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Darren Hardy Reply:
July 6th, 2009 at 6:53 pm
Ya, was feeling a bit zany fo sho… can’t believe I slipped it by my editors! LOL!
Usually they are adamant about dulling it down (that’s what I call it, they call it “correct grammar” – ah, fooey!).
Sometimes you’ve to rattle the sensibilities a bit, ya know?!
Glad you enjoyed it!
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Darren,
Great post. I especially like the point of life being in a constant state of flux. So true.
Tom
Oxyfresh.com
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I agree…. to a point. While life is always out of balance we must make sure that we compensate for the other important areas that may experience lack of attention. For example, to over focus on building your financial portfolio while letting your relationships or health deteriorate is unwise. Just like the guy who spins the plates on top of the sticks, one must look to see what area needs attention so that it doesn’t wobble too much, lose balance and fall. I think spinning plates on sticks might be easier than life.
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My husband would totally agreed with you, Darren . That’s the way he sees it. When someone ask him when he will be retiring, he always answered that he is retired(people retire so they can do what they always wanted to do). Hours mean nothing to him in working at his business. The problem is family and friends find it a problem and relationship is not nurtured.
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DITTO on what you said BOB, i could not have said it better. it is like trying to do two or three things at the same time but you only have two hands.
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Hi Darren,
Of all your entries, this may be my favorite one to date!
Working is the one thing I really love to do, more than anything else, and I easily get lost in time enjoying the service I provide to colleagues and clients.
It frustrates me to no end that it’s widely accepted that one can spend a disproportionate amount time on leisure activities and be envied as a “balanced person” yet, people who work more than 8 hours a day, or put extra efforts in on weekends or evenings, are considered workaholics! I truly believe this is only because the majority of people don’t find work that they like.
In a world where I sometimes feel like I’m the only person I know who still has work ethic, it’s refreshing to know I’m in good company with the likes of the billionaires like Richard Branson and Donald Trump, and other self-made people whom I admire such as the Kiyosakis, Donny Deutsch, Tony Robbins, and Darren Hardy!
Thanks for your wisdom Darren!
Cheers,
Troy W.
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What a great article, this is exactly what I needed for this moment in my life. A young father with a budding career. Thanks
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Well clearly I believe in balance…I’ve built a business around it! But never have I defined balance as time away from work. Simply put…you can’t do everything! You can’t be successful at your job AND master a sport or hobby AND spend quality time with the fam. So you are dead-on in saying that finding work you love, that is fulfilling is key. And prioritizing your time according to your values is something else to consider. No guilt. “Balance” does not mean “Doing absolutely everything.” It means doing and enjoying the things that bring you the most joy, maybe letting go of the other stuff whatever that is for you!
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Great piece Darren.. spot on !!
I specially love the last paragraph.. or as a good friend of mine described it..
If you love what you do, and do what you love, you will never work a day in your life!! Your SUCCESS SYMPOSIUMS constantly refresh those ideals.
Here’s to more Successfull living !!
Haas Khaku
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Hi Darren – Brilliant! You are absolutely right. Unconciously I knew this was a principle but I had never heard it packaged like this before. Last year we had a family meeting and I told them that I was going to be “unbalanced” for the next 6-12 months as I got my business back where it needs to be. They got it. Communicating with and to them made the “shift” a lot easier. Balance is the art of movement…so GET MOVING!
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Well, I do not wear togas, but I am a life coach. This was a great article for me to read to see how some perceive a life coach. I absolutely agree with your philosophy of using your life force to do what you love doing, that life is always in a state of flux ,and that trying to achieve an idealistic balance can be daunting. I will be very careful in using that term life balance now; however, most of the people who do seek our services do so because they are completely out of balance in their current life from what does truly make them happy. A life coach uses positive psychology and appreciative inquiry to help people achieve that life force that makes them feel alive. I enjoyed your perspective, but I will hope that people do not simplify or stereotype a life coach to the narrow view presented here.
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This is just an opinion in this article. One of…many. Balance the same as opinion is unique and very individual.
Anyway this is my favorite topic, because work life issues are part of my stress management coaching business. I would disagree that balance is only when one stands still. I strongly believe that a good life is about the right Balance. But to reach the Balance Your Action is required. To maintain a Balance an Action is required as well.
There is no such a term ‘balance for all life’ – there are many seasons in the life, any of those have different priorities (when your kid has 1 year your priorities differ from those when he/she starts own family). To maintain balance one has to follow dream, live the values and priorities and just feel gooood. Not possible?
The Action and the Balance…is up to You!
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You just took 1,000 pounds of pressure off of me. Thanks!!!!
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When exercising the ability to balance, one is said to be balancing. – Source wikipedia
What you are talking about in your article is actually the act of life balancing. The constant flux to get to where you are at in life and where you would like to be. Isn’t calling life balance malarkey contradicting yourself. Food for thought…thanks for the article.
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Great article but, …..How do you find something you LOVE doing for work? I’ve taken all the personality profiles, journaled, looked at my past, etc – nothing seems to sit well for me-why? Someone once told me I’m expecting too much – am I??
Help!
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Thanks Troy! Appreciate the company you place me in! -Darren Hardy
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I love Success mag and your blog. I get pulled back into focus each time with the info but this post was the best!
Felt overwhelmed by the “lack of balance” or what is “supposed” to be such in my life and worried about it far too much. You cleared up the conflict within me and now I can happily get up at 4 am and work on my business.
It is fulfilling, creative and chock-a-block full of new internet marketing technology knowledge. I am much older that I would llike to be but I intend to enjoy my “unbalanced” llife from now on thanks to your insightful post!
Cheers,
Jan
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It’s true that life is in a state of flux, especially as an entrepreneur. But this makes understanding what’s on your plate and making intentional choices about how to spend your time each day, each week, each month so important.
Although there will be spurts of craziness, I do believe that it is possible to make intentional strategic choices to have an overall life of balance. As a full-time entrepreneur for almost four years, I’ve learned how to do what I love, develop my business, and work about 40 hours a week. I may not have experienced as rapid growth as other entrepreneurs, but I’m continuing to make a living, build my business, and enjoy the process.
To me, that makes for a truly rich life!
http://www.ScheduleMakeover.com
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Darren-
Great post! I have a bit of a unique situation in that I am currently on a one-year deployment to Iraq. I have found that despite the fact that I have not seen my family in six months, we still connect and are still a family. Granted, I am grateful beyond words for the internet and Skype, but the point is, I am not physically there. Still, we are connected because we choose to be. It all turns on the choices we make, in the moment, in the week and in the year. What we value and what actions we take. I might suggest that another way to look at doing what you “love” is to have an honest discussion with yourself and to say, “On balance, is what I am doing with my time for my profession (and to pay the bills
) something I am proud of? If so, then the “love of the job” will follow, on balance. Let me give a quick example: I live in a housing area with a group of National Guard Military Police. They go on missions off the base. It is hot and at times dangerous work. They are away from their families. Almost all are enlisted, so they do not earn much money. Yet for the most part, these are incredibly upbeat men and women. I would suggest it is because they see what they are doing as part of a bigger purpose. When you do that, the daily inconveniences are not so big.
In any event, enjoy the posts and the magazines. I just got the June isssue of Success and am looking forward to reading it and listening to the cd at the gym!
Best rgs,
Jeno
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I agree there are seasons when a person living well will be out of balance. That is, he will not be spending the same amount of time on each important activity in his life as in the others. But a life well-lived should not be just about doing the things you love. It is not just about you. It is about giving of yourself to those you love and serving the greater good of the community at large, etc. The most successful people will be those who can keep working intentionally on the things that they do best that serve society, including providing the service their business offers. Those are no doubt the things they will also love. But that requires maintaining health, staying current in their field, being nurtured by a positive family life, maintaining meaningful friendships, and most importantly, in my view, walking with God and staying close to their spiritual principles.
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I completely agree with you Kevin!
When we lose our life, we find it, and our relationship with God and others and our inner peace and joy are what make life truly rich!
As an added bonus, these treasures can last forever and have no relationship to fluctuations in the stock market.
http://www.ScheduleMakeover.com
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Excellent article Darren! Thank you for investing the time to bring it to us.
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