Part 14: S-T-R-E-T-C-H Yourself

Review: INTRO, GETTING READY & Parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13

If you are going to achieve goals you have never achieved before, you must be willing to do what you have never done before.

One of those things is to allow, no actually push, yourself to FAIL. And if you want to succeed big, you have to fail big. There is no way around it.

When I was only 20 years old, I got into residential real estate sales. It was the early ’90s, and the real estate market was as tough as it is right now. I knew nothing about the real estate business; I had no prior experience, clientele or even credibility—I wasn’t even old enough to drink! But in just 90 days, I was outselling (new listings and pending escrows) an entire office of 44 veteran agents—combined!

The strategy I am going to reveal to you made that possible and is one of my personal-achievement secret weapons. I now offer it to you…

When I went to my first real estate seminar, I asked the lecturer to lunch. I asked him for his best tip on being successful in real estate. His answer was, “Go fail—a lot.”

“What?!” I said. “I thought the whole idea of success was to avoid failure.” “Quite the opposite,” he said. Then he told me a quote from Tom Watson of IBM: “The key to success is massive failure.” He said, “Your goal is to out-fail your competition. Whoever can fail the most, the fastest and the biggest wins.”

I was still perplexed.

Then he drew this analogy out on a cocktail napkin. He said, “Life, growth and achievement work like a pendulum.

On one side, you have failure, rejection, defeat, pain and sadness.

On the other side, you have success, acceptance, victory, joy and happiness.

If you stand still in life, you won’t experience either side of life, neither the failure and pain nor the success and happiness.

Over time, most people figure out how to operate in a narrow comfort zone. They can only accept a certain amount of pain, rejection and failure. But then they also only experience the same degree of joy, connection and success.”

The key is that you cannot experience one side without an equal proportion of the other. This is the mistake most people make: They think they can have success without failure, love without heartache, and happiness without sadness. As sure as we have gravity, we have the duality and pendulum of success and failure.

The only way to achieve more success is to experience more failure. Once you know this you are no longer afraid of failure, you accept it as necessary, part of the process.

Now, if you want to drive your success, here is what you do…

You cannot necessarily control the amount of success you get. Like Jim Rohn said, “What you pursue can elude you—it can be like chasing butterflies.” What you can control, though, is the amount of failure you get.

Your job is to push the pendulum as hard and as fast as you possibly can on the side of failure. Remember, “The key to success is massive failure.” Go get massive failure.

When I learned this, I went nuts. I became a failure-seeking maniac. I strategized on how I could get as much failure, as big and as fast as possible.

In real estate sales, there are a few ways:

One is calling on expired listings. These are people who had their house on the market with another agent and it didn’t sell. The minute it shows as “expired” on the computer, 100-plus agents call immediately. Sellers quickly learn to hate Realtors.

Another is “for sale by owners” (FSBOs). They hate Realtors so much, they wouldn’t even list with one. There’s lots of great failure to be had there.

Then there is just walking up and down the street knocking on doors—lots of slammed doors, angry jeers, barking and biting dogs, and kids throwing rocks at you from across the street. Tons-o-fun!

Lastly, there is cold-calling. The best time to do this is when you know people are home, which is usually around dinnertime. People love that!

I set ambitious goals each day for the number of nos and rejection I wanted. Each day, I’d push for more and more and more. And boy, did I fail—big time!

But guess what?

Some of those expired listings listed with me.

Some of those FSBOs ended up converting and listing with me.

And some of those cold doors and cold-calls were looking to sell and list with me.

That is how I ended up outselling an office of 44 agents, combined. I was willing to be a massive failure, and I ended up LOVING failure. In fact, it became quite addictive because I knew it was the controlling factor in my greater success.

To this day, if I get to the end of the week or month and I have not failed significantly at something, I know I also didn’t get the pendulum higher on the side of success, and I am mad at myself.

So, as you go for your big goals the rest of this year and decade, don’t just embrace failure, go for it—and go for it massively.

Measure your success by your failure. Create contests with yourself and others to see who can get more nos, who can get rejected more and be the bigger failure. And then celebrate your failures. It will be those needed failures that will cause the pendulum to swing on the side of success, thus letting you achieve your big, hairy, audacious goals.

If you have audacious goals, you have to be willing to be audacious.

Suggestion: Strategize on where and how you can increase your rate of failure. Set your monthly, weekly and daily failure goals. Don’t worry about the success; the pendulum will swing on that side without you having to think about it. How big of a failure can you become? Go big!

Thoughts, questions, supporting ideas to share with the group? Leave your comments in the section below.



154 responses to “Part 14: S-T-R-E-T-C-H Yourself”

  1. Undeniably consider that that you stated. Your favorite reason appeared to be on the internet the simplest thing to bear in mind of. I say to you, I certainly get irked at the same time as folks think about concerns that they plainly don’t know about. You controlled to hit the nail upon the highest and also defined out the whole thing without having side effect , other people can take a signal. Will probably be again to get more. Thanks

  2. […] “If you are going to achieve goals you have never achieved before, you must be willing to do what you have never done before. One of those things is to allow, no actually push, yourself to FAIL. And if you want to succeed big, you have to fail big. There is no way around it.” -Darren Hardy […]

  3. A lot of of whatever you mention is astonishingly accurate and that makes me wonder the reason why I had not looked at this with this light previously. This particular piece really did turn the light on for me personally as far as this particular topic goes.

  4. A person essentially help to make seriously posts I would state. This is the very first time I frequented your website page and thus far? I amazed with the research you made to make this particular publish extraordinary. Wonderful job!

  5. Wow…suddenly I’ve got instant kudos for my 4 divorces and 3 bankruptcies!!!LOL
    I’d actually worked out the amazing advantages that these mis-adventures have brought me and have been able to craft some fab programs for other people from them. Now after reading this, I feel positively in the elite:)

    Thanks Darren, super article. Love it!
    Dream Warrior Jenni P

  6. Great info. I used to spend alot of my time boating and being involved in sports. It was probably the most memorable period of my childhood and your article somehow brought back us of that time. Cheers

  7. Thank you for this Humongous Paradigm Shift!
    The Teacher arrives when the Student is ready!
    Holistic Theory requires opposites to be in a positive balance for healthy growth to occur!
    As long as there is slightly more Constructive Growth than Destructive Remodeling, the baby will become an adult, the garage start-up will become Apple, and a new idea will change the world forever.
    My hope and prayer is that the entire world will learn from our current worldwide failure with a top down Big Government Statist Socialism bankrupting our future generations trying to protect our ‘targeted classes’ from any experience of failure and thus, ironically, preventing them from ever achieving and experiencing the ecstasy of individual achievement and lasting personal success!
    Without Creative Destruction there can be no real Evolutionary Progress!
    99% of all previous species on Earth are extinct!
    We are the new successful ideas!
    So, follow God’s Plan for Success:
    Fail as big as the Universe and marvel at all the New Creation!

  8. I read this post often. Love it. Hits home every single time. Your book The Compound Effect is outstanding as well. Keep up the great work Darren…….

  9. I love all your stuff, Darren! Very inspirational! I’d like to be able to get the worksheets, too, please. Thank you!!

  10. Darren,
    I have heard this many times, and this is the great reminder of how I can re-start my business. Always perfect timing. I would also love to get the worksheets, it’s time to start failing BIG! It’s going to be a great decade

    Thanks – love the blogs and the magazine. Look forward to it every month

  11. Darren, I absolutely love your program! I am in the same boat as Cindy and have been playing catch-up without the worksheets (a little difficult). If possible could I please get some help with the worksheets?

    Thank you for your time,


  12. I have survived yearend and tax season and am now trying to catchup on my inbox and cannot find the links to the worksheets. Am I missing something, any help would be greatly appreciated.


  13. I started my first business in 2000 when I was 25 and failed miserably – I had to file for bankruptcy. Part of me was so proud of what I had accomplished, all the hard work, effort, and time I had put into it. But mostly I was afraid of trying to start another business again; I didn’t ever want to feel that sense of failure again. Thank you for reminding me that failure is what ultimately leads to success. I’m ready to try again.

  14. There is always polarity in whatever we do. The timing of when the pendulum will swing is never certain, but the certainity of it swinging is definite.
    What a great philosophy on failure. We tend to put negative connotations on the word, “fail”, and many of us spin the word to “challenge”. I believe the key is knowing that failure is part of the success process, and in order to truly be our best, we have to fail. Once we get the proper attitude on failure, everything else falls into place.
    Thank you for your inspired writing. Your messages really resonate with me.

  15. Hi Darryn,

    Have been planning to leave a reply since I started with ” the best 10 years of my life”, so hear goes, I will try keep it short.

    I started my/our ( as it is partly my mothers too) company about a year and half ago, more out of despiration that need.
    At the beginning, being new at business, we had our tough times and still do, on many aspects of business.
    One of these aspects was the marketing side. The least expensive way we knew of marketing is by simply calling companies up and introducing our company and services.
    I was very amazed at how well this actually work, and baffeled by it at the same time, untill I coming across this part during the program, of actually pushing ourselves to fail.
    While we were trying so hard, in probably the most least effective way of marketing, it became our most effective way of marketing. Ofcourse we are thrilled.

    And finally I happy to mentioned that we have reached a part of one of our goals that we set in doing the program and the rest is following right on schedule.

    Thank you so much Darryn, for helping us create not just the best 10 years of our lives, but making each year just as good.
    The wealth of knowledge that you gave freely in this program is more than money can ever buy.


  16. It should be crazy when you’re motivated and looking forward to go FAIL, but that’s something that many of us need to know and stop trying to play it so safe that we can’t experience the extremes of joy from success and pain from failure. One thing that we must realize is that the joy from winning big time will far out weigh the pain from failing big time.


  17. I once heard of a life insurance company conducting an experiment to prove to their agents that they were not making enough cold calls. They hired some young college grads and got them licensed. They put them on a salary and told them to go out in the city of Chicago making cold calls business to business and home to home whatever they came to. They were instructed to only use an opening line of “Excuse me, you don’t want to buy any life insurance do you? The vast majority said no and sometimes things a lot more forceful than that but about every 70th person they said it to said something like “What have you got, tell me about it” and some of those following presentations led to sales. Bottom line is that they vastly outsold the established agents who only called for appointments and kept following up. Proves that volume is the answer no matter how bad your approach is. The more rock you go through, the more gold you find.

  18. Thank you so much. In copier sales as in most sales careers, one of the things we fear most is calling on companies for the exact reason that you are recommending, fear of failure. Fear of rejection. What a mind set. I will be getting on the phone and going out cold calling looking forward to failing. I know that the more I fail, the more I will succeed.

    Thank you.

  19. Awsome program! Can someone help me? I am really trying to catch up and have found a road block with the worksheets. I am on journey #7 and need the rest of the worksheets as well. Journeys are Great in Life. I love to explore them! Thanks,–Cindy

  20. I got this post in my inbox today. It was one of the posts that hit me the most during the 10 year planning series.

    THANKS! I really needed this reminder today. Its almost like you have been in my head for the last week and decided to smack me back on track.

  21. Darren,

    I started and fell off track with the Best 10 years online seminar you were so generous to offer. In essence you could say that I “failed” to stay on track. It has been bothering me (A LOT) that I did not complete what I had started. I am usually the type who completes what they start so therefore it REALLY bothered me. I did however file all of your emails because I knew I had to go back to them and finish. I have completed through session 9 (worksheet #13) and was hoping to access the rest of the series of worksheets as I work to finish the series. I have the password that was sent in the emails during the sessions but it did not work (i tried it today). You see I had to “fail” in staying on track to realize how important this was to me. Now, with renewed determination I hope I can finish what I started.

    Thank you so much for making this material available. It is a great opportunity for all of us to stretch ourselves to be the best we can be. I love it!

    Have a wonderful day,

  22. Darren,

    Thanks. I have had problems of fear of failure that has stopped me being audacious in pursuing opportunities. Your post has given me the impetus to indeed see how much failure I can notch up, which will put an end to the fear.

    Your post couldn’t have come at a better time for me and I thank you very much.

    Here’s to your success!

  23. Darren,

    Thanks for this blog. This is exactly what I needed to hear. I was in the process of deciding about giving up on something. I was extremely perplexed on what decision to make. On my way home, I was leaning on the side of maintaining my course and staying in the race. Your blog confirmed my decision not to give up. Also, I am reminded of something my pastor once said, “I’ll win if I don’t quit.”

    Thanks again.

  24. “If you are going to achieve goals you have never achieved before, you must be willing to do what you have never done before.” I have heard this, or a variant of this quote many times over the years. It is so much truer than most will ever realize.

  25. God Bless You! This made a huge difference in my life. We work hard in our businesses and look at the results at the end of the day, from the perspective of what we want. If it isn’t we become frustrated and upset. We begin to doubt and wonder if we will ever succeed. Your pendulum illustration really teaches us the power of “no”. We need to have that equilibrium of “nos” and “yeses”. The universe is wired that way, “hot and cold”, “tall and short”, “happy and sad”, “failure and success”. We can’t have one without the other. Thanks!

  26. Darren your best10 program is simply the best! However, I haven’t been sucessful in accessing worksheets 14 and 15 using the best10 password (I have 16). Any suggestions?

  27. hi Darren
    thank you so much for a eye opener I now understand how it works and am going all the way for the Nos .

  28. Hi Darren,

    Your program has been outstanding! I’m in the process of getting caught up and am having difficulty accessing the password protected archived files. I believe that I have the correct password; it just doesn’t seem to be taking it. Is there a way for me to access the files, so I can finish out this amazing program? Thank you!

    [DARREN HARDY] Help is on the way, Catherine!

  29. Hi Darren… love the article. I am a big believer in stretching yourself. Since we all have the ability to choose how we see the landscape of our life, the opportunity to stretch ourselves and shed our comfort zones can only create new paradigms for us to create from…thanks for your insights.

  30. I can not get the worksheets for the last several parts. I have clicked on the link in my email, then enter the pass word but nothing happens.

    Why can I not get the works sheets? How am I going to finish the project with out the worksheets?

    [MAGGIE SCOTT] Hi Renee! The archives are now closed as of March 1st. But I’ll be in touch to see what I can do to help. :)

  31. I have never read anything that quite put things into a perspective like this. I think you have the right idea and I’m going to keep this article handy so I may reference it when I need to. Good ideas!

  32. What a wonderful way to look at failure. It never occurred to me that I should look at failure in quite this way but now that you have it down on paper, it makes sense. I’m up and ready for failure now and won’t be disappointed when it happens. Thanks Darren!

  33. Thank you so much for this message! I read this right after I received one more (among hundreds) NO. I have failed BIG TIME and have seen minimal success, but I keep trying, failing lots, and soon (I pray!) will experience massive success. It’s been a long frustrating journey, but there’s no going back, no settling for mediocrity and a life of despair and poverty. I am focused on providing an abundant life of hope and opportunity for my 3 beautiful children. When I make it through this dark difficult time I’ll look back and see how much progress I made to even get to the point where I am now. If others can succeed, then I can succeed, and all of you reading this can succeed too! :)

  34. This is quite a different way at making an objective and I am going to apply it in my new career at sales and marketing. Thank you so much for this enlightening article.

    [DARREN HARDY] You are very welcome, Artemis!!! :)

  35. Darrin,
    I’ve been a “lurker” in the Best 10, and even at that, every time I read one of your posts I come away clearer and more positive about my direction. Your s.t.r.e.t.c.h. is right on target…and yes, I’m way behind with the worksheets and yet STILL see this as a success…. Thanks so much.

  36. Thanks Darrin, what a great example of showing how the failures are really something to not be afraid or run away from. It is so easy to let that be the blocker to one’s success! I am fired back up to get at it!

  37. This came at such a great time. I was just complaining at lunch with a friend that I always failed when it came to tasks I performed for my boss. I could not get anything right. I was feeling really down. After reading this article, I am going out of my way to make more failures with him so I can get the pendulum going. thanks.

  38. Failing miserably has been my last 18 months. I’m so ready to do more, but with passion and focus. Bring it on!

    Brian, OC, CA

  39. I forwarded this to the agents at my office and only 1 of them commented on it. We discussed a few times since. And in the last 2 days he has had new business customers from previous ‘failures’. Now we get a good chuckle. I asked him this morning ‘how many times you going to fail today’.

    [DARREN HARDY] Awesome! Thanks so much for sharing this story. Hopefully now the others will start to take notice! :)

  40. Still a good thing. I heard it on an old tape from Tony Robbins a few months ago. The thing is that we often forget those things and it is always good to be reminded. Thanks Darren.

  41. As a physician I know I am not going to be the right doc for everyone…and something I learned a long time ago and this post reminded me of…
    Some will, some won’t, so what, someone’s waiting…

    Can’t remember who said this to me soooo long ago – it maybe a “Jim Rohnism” another speaker, not sure…

    Thanks Darren for the adventure!

    [DARREN HARDY] Awesome! Thanks for posting the SW4, Kris! Great, easy way to hit the message home even further. :)

  42. Thanks Darren for sharing your secret for success with me. I have been so disappointed with the number of rejections from some members of my family and my closest friends that it took me a long time to recover from. Now I am truly convinced that I can only go forward from here. I will go out and pursuit failure with great vigor.

    [DARREN HARDY] Best of luck to you, Mosiana! Go fail, BIG!!!

  43. Hmmm… for the last 10 years I have been doing product demonstrations in retail stores. I call it a lesson in rejection. I always said, ‘The pay’s the same…’ I’ve learned to let ‘No’ bounce right off me and have really become a good demonstraor. However, I am self-employed and work through a company who has a contract to put me there. In December, they lost the contract. I lost the job.

    I’ve half-heartedly tried to go back to a former company who scheduled me. I’ve half-heartedly talked to another company… but you know? The pay’s NOT the same… it’s less! They want to give me $2 less a day than I got 10 years ago!

    I think my half-heartedness is because I am better than that. It’s time for a step up! Anybody want to give me a hand?!

  44. Wow! Now I’ve heard the concept of go for no because along the way you’ll end up with some yes’s and I understood the concept but I love your visual of the pendulum. Now it really makes sense to me! We all learn in different ways and when we are truly ready. Thanks for sharing your wisdom in a way that really hit home with me.

    [DARREN HARDY] The pendulum always helps drive the message home, Nannette! Easy to visualize and understand DAILY. So glad you got it! :)

  45. Darren,

    I am glad this is one of the topics in this program. I have just realized that risk aversion is one of my main limiting factors in getting my business off the ground. The sad part is the risk is not significant. I just do not move on it because of something in the back of my mind I did not know was there until recently. By forcing failure I can focus on getting more comfortable with risk.

    Josh Bulloc
    Kansas City, MO

    [DARREN HARDY] Just get out there and fail, BIG! You can do it, Josh!!! :)

  46. The examples given using pendulum as a metaphor, I found it very helpful – either you stay in a narrow band of comfort or you stretch yourself. At the end of one’s life, one does not regret failure, you only regret what you could have done to have the best ever life. After all there is no real failure, only failing to try!

  47. Massively impressed! I am sure many of us have already been there (failure) and have not understood its benefit. I recommend that keeping a journal of failures would add a priceless book to your collection of success stories. Best wishes to everyone! Thank you Darren.

    [DARREN HARDY] Great idea, Jimbo! Thanks for sharing it with us. :)

  48. Great program thus far, been up to date by each weekend. Worksheets are systematic and allow creative thinking and planning and revision. One personal attribute that I am focusing on in 2010 is creative thinking and I am time blocking to allow for that daily. 360 view went well with my family, close friends and also sent to my regional president. Big risk there… but listening to Success monthly CD..what do I have to lose. If you want the truth to assist in reaching your goals, you have to take the medicine.

    Business plan for my nonprofit corp to be launched at year end 2010 is in full draft mode thanks to this program. To quote Jim Rohn…you can earn wages while making profits. My passion is coupling this with helping others. Enjoying the ride while taking the journey. Thanks

  49. My WHY just became huge to me. My 15 year old daughter told my wife that she wished she had a better relationship with me, that she has a better relationship with one of her friend’s dad than she does with me. Talk about ripping your heart out – and realizing what is most important is not what I have been focusing on. There is a real difference between departmental success (Career, business, financial) and LIFE success. Thanks for giving me the tools and the support that I need to finally focus on the LIFE success that I never realized until now how much it means (EVERYTHING!). Funny how I now feel that I am learning more from my kids than I could ever teach them!

    [DARREN HARDY] Kids can be very tricky that way, John! Best of luck to you in achieving your LIFE success!

  50. Darren,
    Great stuff! Really struck a chord with me! Starting my own real estate business in Austin, Texas and people think I’m crazy but I believe it’s a time of great opportunity so I’m ready to fail! Studying everything I can find regarding personal development and creating notebooks on each book I’ve read, almost like Cliff Notes. It’s addicting! Can you recomend any books on real estate?? So many out there but trying to find a few really good ones. I live in Austin but have my eyes set on opportunities state wide. Again, ready to fail:)!

    After reading your article, I’m even more determined to “make it happen” BUT also enjoy the journey both good and bad! Thanks so much for what you’re doing!!!

    [DARREN HARDY] Been almost 20 years since I was sold real estate, Rob. I would focus on the SKILLS you need to improve to deliver more results – sales, communication, time management, networking, relationship building, etc. I would recommend Jeffrey Gitomer’s Sales Bible as one good book to check out.

  51. Darren,

    After reading this it seemed to me one of the reasons you have been so successful is because you are willing to do what others are afraid to do – Fail BIG. I’m sure one advantage you had over the rest is you learned from your mistakes, whereas others didn’t because they didn’t have the same experiences you had. I also want to thank you for the Video Updates. They are just what I need at the end of the week.

  52. Thank you so much. I am going to begin to teach my children this concept. This was an eye opener. I have been sitting on the edge. My business is really beginning to grow, and I have been afraid to step things up a notch, because I was afraid I would fail. Now I am looking forward to failing and have a new energy to try to fail.

  53. Darren,

    Thank you soooo much for this article, it really is an eye opener. I feel like I’ve been standing at an edge for such a long time too afraid to jump off, too afraid to make a mistake. Not knowing that the failures, and hardships are the lessons that will make me grow my wings so I can take off and fly. Thank you!!!!

    [DARREN HARDY] You are very welcome, Rosa! Get out there, fail BIG, and FLY to your hearts content!!! :)

  54. Oh, this is great!
    When I started the course I already had all my goals written and planned. Just refined the list. Aligned it with my deepest values a bit more. But anyway i was stuck.

    And now I understand – the only thing that stops me in pursuing my goals is that BIG fear of failure. And now I’m going to go and fail big time! Yeah! What a feeling! :))))

    And I always knew about emotional pendulum! And used this effectively to balance my mood everyday. So I do absolutely believe it works the same way with failure/success.

    Thank you, Mr. Hardy. I feel this one installment is going to change lots of things in my life!

  55. Great stuff because our human nature does not want to accept failure. This has me thinking in a different direction.



    [DARREN HARDY] Hopefully one day we can look back and say, “wow, can you believe we once HATED failure?!” What a great, SUCCESSFUL day that will be! And it all starts now with you. Get out there and FAIL BIG, David!

  56. Fabulous instruction. It’s so simple and obvious – the insight is genius! There is symmetry in everything: thesis and it’s antithesis, yin and yang. The genius is in the union of the realm of possibilities. That’s what my mother was conveying when she said practice makes perfect By embracing massive action, the higher the number of times I engage in the task yields immersion learning, confidence, self-efficacy, competence, brain efficiency, creativity and higher numbers of positive outcomes. Thank you for the reminder that this process applies to every new skill that I choose to master!

  57. What a great blog. You’ve turned all success principles on its head. I really, for the first time, appreciate the concept of massive failure eventually leading to massive success. First of all it builds confidence; to make fun of failure, will lower that self-defeating, protective shield, that guards against embarrassing oneself when you’re told “no.” This blog I’ll re-read often. Thanks Darren.

    [DARREN HARDY] You have got it, Errol! Let that protective shield down so you can experience the best of life! starting TODAY!

  58. As a former Real Estate Agent I can totally relate to your post. Now I’m int network marketing and the funny thing about that is the target market I’m selecting to call is Real Estate Agents. Kind of ironic.

  59. Congratulation Darren! I love the very first idea and principle! Your boldness to invite the lecturer for lunch! As a result you got an incredible advice!
    Scary, but what I needed to hear I guess! Thank you!

  60. WOW!!
    I was so afraid of failure. I can see now how it’s kept me from moving forward.
    This gives me permission to GO FOR IT!!! — AHHHH!! WHAT FREEDOM!!!
    Thank you!!!

    [DARREN HARDY] This way of thinking is truly liberating, Linda! You are going to LOVE it! :)

  61. Thank you Darren. I read somewhere that a Strong No could be a soft yes with perseverance and determination. I have experience alot of failures but did not work harder to achieve the successes. Now you have shared this with us, I am on my way to collecting many, many Nos-failures in order to achieve my successes. We appreciate you.

  62. Wow!! This is good stuff!!!

    The whole world is going around scared to death of, and avoiding at all cost, failure. I know all about this, I have been one of them. Little do they know that they are avoiding and fearing the one thing that could bring them the success they desire.

    What an easy way to be a standout, just become a massive failure.

    I love it!!!

  63. WOW I have heard of the saying that you have to fail to succeed but I think you have just taken it to a much higher platform. That is a bit intimidating. But I will try to see if I can accomplish it, without going down completely.

    [DARREN HARDY] Just keep your momentum going and you will never go down “completely!” GO BIG, Erik!!!

  64. Thanks Darren. I will keep that Pendulum in mind day after day. What a great lesson, Failure recipes, I scared to death to have in my life. Now I will go for it. Million thanks again.

  65. Darren,
    The pain of rejection has been holding me back. I never realized the benefits of massive failure. I only looked at the negative but not the positive side to this equation. Thank You so much for this great view. I have had such a positive effect from doing this program. I haven’t dragged behind too much with the homework and for me that is an accomplishment. As you stated in your prior blog, multitasking can have negative effects on productivity and I refused to see it that way. Now I realize you are so right. How does that saying go? I have knowlege on many things but I am a master at none. (paraphrased) I have been feeling frusted for so long on not accomplishing my goals. This program was sent my way with God’s intervention. Even though I get the magazine, I am behind on reading them. (imagine that). I learned about this program from someone I barely know who sent me an email about it. I could have ignored it but decided to give it try, as I do with so many other things. I signed my commitment pledge and have held myself accountable. Thank you so much for sharing this with us.
    When I read your blog, I feel the sincerity with which you wrote it with and with the experience you had in going through this process. I quess this week’s blogs hit the nerve dead on.
    Truly Grateful,

  66. Thank you Lorraine. I truly appreciate your thoughts. It is so very hard to not protect your children. My parents were much better at letting us fall down, I realize that now. My son is our youngest and only boy which has made it easier to spoil him, I guess. At least that’s what my 2 daughters say!! I want so badly for him to “stand up” and “take the next step”, which I think he is realizing he MUST do. He is so capable, but so unsure. I keep sending him Seeds of Success articles and talk (incessantly, I know) about Darren Hardy and his challenge; hoping to spark thought and movement in him. I believe I have done that; it’s just that protective instinct that comes out, I guess, regarding the “failure” concept; not wanting him to misunderstand the philosophy behind it. He feels he has failed so much in the last year and a half since he left home in VA to “find himself” in CA. The bottom line is, I just want him to realize his potential and not be afraid of it or that it is “taking time” to reach it.

    Thanks for your insight and support.

    Sallie :)

    [DARREN HARDY] You sound like an amazing mom, Sallie! Trust that you have done your job and that your son will eventually find what he is looking for. And a big KUDOS to you for continuing to support his future success!

  67. Sally,
    I totally can relate to your situation. I do feel that I have given to my chldren more than I should have. I do believe that today’s generation has a attitude of entitlement. Well, I can’t change the past but only the present. Darren, has been showing me tough love. And, I realize that it is exactly what I have to also show my children. By failing forward, we learn from our mistakes. I have heard this said so many times, but I feel today after reading Darren’s blog I finally listened to the message. I have tried to have my children not feel pain or displeasure or even failure but I now realized that they have to experience it in order to grow into the individuals they need to become. As a mom, we want to protect but I see that I have to let go and let them experience. Of course we can be there as a support team, to listen and encourage them to pursue their dream. We will always be mom and love them. Tough love is painful but the outcome should be and will be beneficial for both parties.

    Best Wishes,

    [DARREN HARDY] You hit the nail on the head here, Lorraine! Thank you so much for this insightful reply. You have to let kids FAIL so that they may practice failure and learn how to pick themselves back up in order enjoy the success.

  68. Hi Darren,

    After reading your this lesson on “go for the failures”, I am left with some mixed feelings. I totally understand where you are coming from and the philosophy behind it. But I am 56 and have owned a real estate company with my husband for 21 years, since 1988; so we have experienced a lot of failures through tough economic times leading up to now. Though we did not “try to fail” we most certainly did! What we learned was how to accept that failure as part of “attaining success”. My hesitation is this, not everyone may be in the right place “mentally or emotionally” to take your approach. They may get scared off or worse. Our son is a good example of that right now; approaching 21, not in school, working odd jobs, surviving his first real heartbreak, living 3,000 miles away from home. After listening to your most recent video; the tribute to Jim Rohn, I got so inspired, I sent the clip to my son with a very long email, full of advise, love encouragement and a bit of “butt kicking”. His generation is full of self-doubt and fear of failure. Yet this same generation has been given SO MUCH in every way. Have we sabotaged our kids? Made them resistant to hard work and accountability? Or does every generation feel this sense of frustration? Maybe it is a long journey of maturation; each of us on our own time clock. I just feel that maybe there should be incremental steps for those who are not yet “at that place” where they are ready to dive headlong into failure, but know they are not happy where they are. I don’t know. Any thoughts??

  69. Darren,

    Just what I needed to read this morning! I’m nursing a bruised heart after a valentine rejected me over the weekend, and my habit is to pull back from that arena for an extended period of time. Its what I want to do now, but this article is surely challenging that idea.

    Rejection and the fear of it has kept me hemmed in for most of my life where seeking relationships with women is concerned. I also know that fear of fear is keeping me from taking consistent action with my business at home.

    I really do want my freedom from the rat race, but have been intimidated by the fear of the challenge of getting there.

    You hit it on the head with this one. I really appreciate this course and the insights you are sharing. It’s helping to place more carrots in front of me. I yearn to grow and break free of this barrier now, this year. This course is such a great gift!

    Thank you Darren!

    [DARREN HARDY] So sorry about the bruised heart, Robert. But just think about all the success that are to come because you put yourself out there in the first place! You can do it, Robert! GO BIG!

  70. This is why your so successful you give your facts on how you achieved in life to people who want the same thing you have and go to it the right way.Give and it shall be given to you. Fear of failure is always there its how you overcome that makes you great. Thanks for this course learning alot.

  71. Darren you are amazing! These past weeks I have realised a lot of things about my self, the most important thing i have learnt is that fear has held me prisoner to achieving my goals. Fear of rejection and fear of success! I know now that “courage is not the absence of fear but the judgement to know that there is something greater than fear”. Thank you for helping me to face my fears, I am now looking forward to the next 20 years of my life!

    [DARREN HARDY] Kudos, Elaine! Do not let anything hold you back, especially fear of failure. Get out there and FAIL! :)

  72. I appreciate the enthusiasm Darren is expressing here. Failure is painful and many try the road of least resistance, which probably garners very little successes. In my quiet time and prayer time this morning, I was enlightened with a statement that there is one thing all of us can identify with and that is pain. Pain comes from loss but we cannot avoid it. We all suffer from one pain or another.

    There is always a sacrifice to achieve the joy that comes in the morning. To go from the attitude perspective of enthusiasm even for the rejections, you know the reward is coming.

    Thank you, Darren!

  73. One more thought – taking the pendulum as the example. Folks need to understand that momentum is the essential key to the greater success. The more momentum the higher the success factor. If the failures (No’s) slow down, it’ll take more effort to gain the momentum you had before. Once things are working smoothly, it takes less effort to key the momentum and the level of success than it ever did in the beginning.

    So GIVE BIG POSITIVE EFFORT, GET BIG MOMENTUM, and when you fail, as your certain to do – FAIL BIG!!! The eqaul and opposite reaction is BIG SUCCESS!!!!

    [DARREN HARDY] I completely agree with you here, Kevin! Go BIG and you will gain that necessary momentum on both sides of the pendulum. Just get out there and DO IT!

  74. To know something is one thing and to do it, is something else. The fear of failure is one of the greatest fears there is. I know that it’s held me back from the life I could have lived. But it will not hold me back from the life I will live. Thanks Darren for shining the light on my path. It’s great to know you and people like you. By Gods grace I will be the person I want to be.

  75. Darren – What an interesting philosophy. I have been in sales and marketing for many years now and I appreciate your viewpoint and understand there’s a definate ratio of no’s to yes’s (Failures to Successes). However, I’m not sure I agree with the mindset you’re suggesting folks take to reach success.

    I’d suggest folks maintain the positive mindset of success, looking at every event, appointment, work task, whatever, and apply a positive mindset and understand failure is acceptable but only after they’ve given their very best effort to get the YES (Success).

    Taking your pendulum example, I would apply it in this manner. I’m sure you’ve understand the following theory, that for every action there’s and opposite and equal reaction.

    I’d suggest to folks that to experience greater success in a shorter period of time, they accept failure and understand failure will help create success, but only after they give their very best effots to reach the Success (YES) side of the pendulum each and everytime they reach for success.

    I think you can visualize the two scenerio’s and grasp my concept. I’d be interested if you would agree or suggest differently.

    Either case, I thank you for offering this experience to me and so many others needing your help. If nothing else, you’ve helped me think, trully “THINK” to form my own opinion.

  76. Fear of failure is the biggest thing holding me back. You have just shattered that fear. I love that I can control it too, thank you! For me this is a huge wow moment.

  77. This is an incredible concept! I am scared to death to try it but I am going to do it anyway. Wow, how would have thought that I can just try harder to fail and enjoy the fruit of success?

    [DARREN HARDY] You can do it, Ryan! Go BIG!

  78. Great way to look at this, removes the fear and actually is an encouragement to try things you might not try because you might fail.

  79. Wow!!!

    I love this. It’s more of the upside down thinking I embrace (i.e., the greatest is the least, give more to receive more, etc.). And better yet, you were practicing then what you preach today: take someone who knows what he is doing to lunch to ask him the “secret”. That had to take courage at such a young age. It’s doing what others wouldn’t dream of and yet that man was probably thrilled to share with you. Thank you for setting the example, living it out and then sharing it with us.

  80. I’ve heard this idea before. You have to fail to have success, but it never really got into my mind.. now it did!! and I almost drop a tear of joy!! I also came up with an idea of a new product for the e-business I am about to launch. Thank you very much.


    Ps. I am having a great time designing my next 10 years! Thanks again.


    [DARREN HARDY] You are very welcome, Alfredo! And best of luck to you with your e-business launch! :)

  81. Greetings of the day, Darren you are absolutely correct, our failures make us a success in our respective endeavors, I have gone through this phase very recently. That’s one big reason i had signed up for your Best 10 years program. As mentioned in my earlier comments, i am thankful to you for bringing up this bringing, the worksheets are precise, my colleagues have got a copy for themselves and subscribed to your newsletter for further insights. Have a great day ahead and a wonderful future. Manoj, MUMBAI, INDIA.

  82. Hi Darren,

    Thank you for another eye opening, mind opening article. I know most people probably did a double take when they read the introduction of your article, I know I did. Then I casted my mind back 5 years.

    Myself and my wife were in debt with the credit card company, we were renting an apartment smaller than most peoples bedrooms. We were both working at jobs that didn’t fullfill us. I was drinking five nights a week to escape reality with my friends. We had no savings and we were thinking of getting married.

    I remember talking with my wife and we decided that something needed to be done and quickly. I remember thinking of the quote “whether you think you can or you can’t, you are usually right”. We discused at length what have we got to lose if we try to turn our lives around and fail! It still had to be better than the life we both had.

    We put our clear goals on paper, reviewed them as much as possible, making a few tweaks along the way.

    [DARREN HARDY] Awesome, Damien! And now, five years later, how have your lives changed?

  83. This is the first thing I have read coming into work this morning and it has made my day. I have absorbed most of the motivational books and cds on the market but your post really made me sit up and think. Absolutely amazing insight. Thank you so much.

  84. Thank you Darren for this BIG tip and for the goal setting program( very hard road but we fenish). Thnak to God

  85. Darren, excellent example with the pendulum and the advice of “Go Get Massive Failure!” I just gave a speech on Tuesday at Toastmasters titled “Failing Forward!” offering people a different way to look at failure, so it was very interesting to read this post!

    I’m also impressed on how many people are still following this program in the second half of February! Anyone that is still on this blog must be serious!!! :) Congrats to everybody that is sticking with it!!!

    Ken Kocher (‘Coke-er’)

    [DARREN HARDY] I second that ‘Congrats’ to all those still here with us! Kudos!

  86. Hi Darren–this is truly (and truthfully) the real bottom line—at age 30, never had a job, 3 kids under age 7, brand new mortgage, and a husband that took off, my Dad suggested sales to work around the kids’ schedule. All I knew were diapers, but he told me if I failed enough times every week it wouldn’t matter if I was selling a sack of buffalo ears, I ‘d be okay—it’s not always an easy thing to do, but quite simple. Twenty five years later, it’s easy to get away from! but thank you for boiling it all down to this concept! Numbers!

    [DARREN HARDY] That Dad of yours is one smart man, Jane! Kudos to you for taking his advice!

  87. ,Darren
    I am very grateful for the challenge to go out and fail in order to succeed.
    I’ve always been afraid of rejection and because of this I did not assert myself as much as I could have in showing the plan on my Team Monavie business. I will keep the pendulum analogy and your example before me always as I charge ahead in my business. I am now not going to see rejection/failure as something to be afraid of but as a necessity for success.

  88. Darren,

    What a great concept you have. Your blog post really hit home. I am in Maui on the beach catching up on the work sheets. What a better way to get a ton of No’s than to walk up to people vacationing on the beach introduce your self and ask them if they keep their self’s open for additional streams of revenue outside of what they are currently doing?

    What a home run for No’s not to mention the dirty looks, the are you crazy remarks, as well as other interesting things. Love the rejection.

    But like you said some want to know how they could afford to live here. Great Idea!

    By the way it was nice meeting you at Jim Rohn’s tribute at the Hilton Convention center. My son Cameron was absolutely stoked that he got to take pictures with you and shake your hand. Thank you again for doing what you do with who you are. You are the Man! Jim is smiling down on you proud as can be.

    Your Friend

    [DARREN HARDY] It was great meeting you and your son, Cameron, at the tribute earlier this month, Kenny! It was such an amazing event, I am so very glad you both were able to be a part of it. :)

  89. This is GREAT! As a new salesman definitely “afraid of failure,” thinking about my work this way will make a huge difference. LOVE IT.

  90. This is genius!!! I really get this whole concept. Now I’m going to implement it to the max. I’m gonna be a big old failure so I can be a big old success. Absolutely awesome. I love it!!! Thanks Darren.

  91. Darren,I have heard this before in different terms–but after reading your column it finally sunk in–I GET IT—-I am so happen I got three no’s today–it means I did something–now I am not afraid to go out and get more–as you said it about the no’s not about the success—YEA!

  92. I like baseball stats, there is a quote from Baby Ruth that said : “Every strike brings me closer to the next home run.” He is a hall of fame baseball player and one of the greates player ever.
    This is a hard game to play sucessfully. Te curious thing is you could be Hall of Fame hitter just to do more than the average 3.5 hits, means you strike 6.5 every 10 times you go to the plate.
    Pretty simple ah. The only way is try , try, and try harder again until you hit the ball.
    I am starting my entreprenour career, I have being in the bench for a while, I really was afraid to fail in my profession and stay in my conform narrow zone but not any more. This is life and it is just like a baseball game; play, try, fail, hit and have fun in the process…

    Thanks Darren to bring this at this moment in my life.

    [DARREN HARDY] Great analogy, Carlos!

  93. thanks! success has been pivotal in my life during the last year and i would love to share the magazine with my closest friends and clients. how about offering a personalized subscription (even just a to:/from: sticker on the cover) like charlie “tremendous” does with books. the subscription price is a bargain and clients/prospects will be reminded every month and with every eye-opening article they read. how else can you provide this much value and get in front of your client that often for just a few bucks a month.

    [DARREN HARDY] Great idea, Johnny! Something we will definitely think about, thanks! :)

  94. Is it “fail forward faster” or “fail faster forward?” It really doesn’t matter, just do it. When I started selling I had to cold call on the telephone, I hated it. My sales trainer used a similar analogy, Darren. I just couldn’t get started until I learned a little line from a door-to-door cold calling sales training tape..yep, drive time university…”What’s beyond this phone I do not know, but this I know and know it well, the more I call the more I sell. Do it now. Do it now. Do it now.” Then I’d immediately dial the phone. I was rejected 100s of times…I too was salesman of the year that first year out of 27 sales people. Awesome, Darren. Thanks.

  95. Darren – This is long

    Once again you have re-defined the way to think – the only problem I HAD – I use to beat myself up for the failures to the point of sabotage and defeat. As much as my mother tried – no-one will point out how I can do it better than myself.

    Recently I have been really pushing myself – to the point where I am at 18 hour days. I love being this tired and I am seeing some big results. I have made so many mistakes in the last 15 years the pendulum is swinging my way. Mistakes that I really appreciate. Such as DEBT has taught me to be real – and be a better money manager. My failures in my company – has pushed me to be who I dream about. For all the rejections and no call backs as well as the people who tell you that what you are doing is “crazy” – I finally feel alive and sane. I am happy in debt knowing I have a great plan that is working. I have used my failures to prepare myself to make a deal that will change my life forever – and I have been given an acknowledgement from my industry after 17 years – that I, the small company from Canada – actually has something spectacular. I fly to NY next month to present my invention.

    I will say your course has pushed me through that place of self sabotage the place of familiar territory of failing and defeat. NOW I get up and keep going – NOW when I hear my extended family who continues their rants: I think “wow they so are negative – they so do not get this – I guess they need more”. I do not engage, I smile and say to myself – been there! This week THE LISTS – well sadly they were ALL my extended family – all of them and I only have three people. So I laughed what a perfect list!

    While on this journey with you and others I have come to realization – I am different – I am an entrepreneur- I have finally accepted this and I am one of the few. I think differently, I believe – I work with passion – I do not accept NO and I know that I have something wonderful to offer. All my life I have had these women in my life who would tell me everything they are and nothing I am. I finally understood with the posts and comments in this powerful course. I am Tracy – I am on a journey – I will get there – I do fall but I stand up – dust the dirt off – grab a glass of wine (kidding) and keep going! I am about to meet a dream on March 9th (not the award but THE DEAL) and I never thought I would be ready to look it in the eye and say -YES I AM READY!

    Finally, This March success Magazine is very special to me – for on March 6th – was the day my life changed. My mentor – my father passed. This month your success magazine is all about the great salesman – thank you it is a great tribute – his spirit lies in the entire magazine – in all of your guests on the CD. I hear him and I realized I am heading into the most powerful sales pitch of my life – and between this course – Success Magazine – the spirit of my mentor – and all of my failures – I can not loose for I am the great saleswoman! (Thanks DAD)

    Thank you from the bottom of my heart

    [DARREN HARDY] Thanks SO much for sharing all of this with us, Tracy! You are such a great example of pushing forward toward your goals despite negative people tell you differently. Kudos to you for setting your own path and all my best for your upcoming trip to NY! :)

  96. Daren, everyone has had good comments on your writing of “failure”. I would like to ask one question. How do you tell yourself to go out and fail? I agree that it is good for us to fail. Without failure we would not know success. There is still the question of how. When you are in your 20’s fear always takes the back sit, but when your in your 40’s and have a lot to risk fear comes to the front sit quick.
    I would also like to take this time to let you know that I am enjoying your 8wk course on “Designing The Best 10 Years of Your Life”.

    [DARREN HARDY] Kathy, I tell myself I am one failure closer to ending my session, day or one closer to a success. Every failure is a good thing, not to be feared and certainly not to be avoided.

  97. Wow! What a revelation. I have always said “failure is not an option”. I just didn’t realize it was part of the process. The quicker you get through the failure the better. Amazing. I love it. You are the best! I don’t want this to end!

    [DARREN HARDY] Many, way too many, people have fallen to that “failure is not an option” mindset, Dee. So very glad you have woken up and are ready to fail BIG for even greater rewards. Kudos to you!

  98. What a concept! I’ve heard that in order to appreciate success, you need to feel failure.

    All this time, I kept asking myself, what is wrong with me, why can’t I do this. Now that I know it is ok to fail and still be successful opens a whole new set of doors for me.

    I cannot thank you enough Darren for sharing this journey. Things are starting to look a whole lot clearer.

    As Jim Rohn said, it is difficult to pay the price if you can’t see the promise. Between Darren and my mentor, my eyes are wide open and I can start to see the promise, now is the time to start paying the price!

    God Bless,


  99. Then I should be in line for big success as I have had some really big failures which I have resented and could blame quite a few people for that also. I have now decided I will perfect the skill I felt I needed others to help me with but they only got in my way and caused me more pain and failure. Putting faith and trust in myself is something I learned from these lessons and being willing to obtain the knowledge I need, that others I wanted to work with were unwilling to spend their time to obtain, is what I am currently doing. I draw great inspiration from the olympics and what the winners have done to obtain their success. Lindsey Vonn said it best, “nothing is free.”

    [DARREN HARDY] Exactly, JoAnne! Keep up the great work and do not let anyone else get in your way. Surrounding yourself with like-minded individuals will help you reach greater success!

  100. I never thought about this subject that way before . I have always hidden from rejection from everybody, and now to realize I should have been embrassing it is so profound and simple I am beside myself in awe. Thank you so much for that awesome lesson .

  101. Love that philosophy Darren. It all comes back to taking action.
    In your case it was massive action. I’ve tried the 90 day all out massive action principle, and it totally works. Thanks for reminding us. You rock Darren!!!

    All the best and massive success,

    John Marino

  102. Hi Darren, I have an idea for your SUCCESS magazine. How can I send you a message or an email? Let me also thank you for all the wonderful things you do.

    [DARREN HARDY] Hi Angelika! You can submit ideas, comments, kudos here: This way it will make it to all the right people faster. Thanks!

  103. WOW! is all I can say. Thanks Mr. Hardy this article has given me a whole new perspective about failure in life and business. Now I don’t have to ask why anymore it’s just that I am getting closer and closer to the success I desire!

    Raymond Shinault

  104. Go for the no’s, the more no’s the closer we come to a yes Do you have a ratio of how many no’s before a yes!!!

  105. Thanks, Darren. I love the pendulum visual! Especially the second frame. I think we are programmed to avoid pain.

    This is great timing with the Olympics going on right now. There are some great examples of being on the edge of failure and success.

    I suppose our fear is ultimately of death anyway, right? So, what if we die while taking a risk? Well, at least, it wasn’t while living a mundane life!

    Thanks for pulling me out of the mundane…

    [DARREN HARDY] My pleasure, Kristen! Speaking of the Olympics and success, here’s a great read about Nikki Stone:

  106. LOVE the Symposium CD set we got at the Vemma Convention in Vegas! Happen to be listening to it yet again and am right at this spot where you are talking about running around with your 50 boxes to check off (of NO’s) It’s good to know that Failure isn’t an F word after all!!
    Connie is absolutely wonderful; I bet if most women heard what she recommends NOT doing there would be much less divorce in the world!
    Thanks for this PRICELESS work!!!!
    Faith, Health & Happiness to you always!

  107. Thanks Darren!

    To our infinite FAILURES!


    To our greater SUCCESS,



    [DARREN HARDY] Go Big, Jeffrey!!!

  108. Thank you again Mr. Hardy

    As a new Entreprenuer who launched a business at the beginning of the recession last October. I had my share of failure. My “old mindset” was to first question what i was doing wrong, and like Paul Zane Pilzer said he failed alot, and would take a new direction.

    I did that, and realized that like him I had set my sights and standards high, and if I failed
    I would change things up, and try again. Jack Canfield & Mark Victor Hanson had their manuscript rejected 144 times, and they persisted, that kept me going. I realized I had to “learn to fail” to be able to succeed, and after awhile it didnt feel like failing, I grew more confident. So the “key to Success is massive failure” . I will go out there and plan to fail.. fail forward

    [DARREN HARDY] Great reference to Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hanson. Aren’t THEY glad that they loved to fail! Thanks for sharing, Denise!

  109. Awesome Darren. This paradigm shift just rocks! Can’t wait to share it with my team. No wonder you were our FAV speaker at our recent conference in Vegas!!! Thanx so much! PS Luv our Success Club @ Vemma! 😉

    [DARREN HARDY] Thanks, Cathy! The Vemma conference in Vegas ROCKED! So glad you all enjoyed it as well. :)

  110. Mr Hardy –this is whole new way of looking at failure. Thank you for sharing. I can’t wait to go out there right now and start failing in a big way!
    What a powerful, new mindset you share: “The only way to achieve more success is to experience more failure”.