Stress Survival Tactics
Stress has become a problem of pandemic proportions. I keep hearing people tell me how “stressed out” they are. It’s time to eradicate this disease of the mind.
I came across a transcript by a journalist who interviewed me for a national newspaper a while back. I thought you might benefit from some of these ideas and tips as well.
Tips on Avoiding and Preventing Stress
1. In your opinion, is stress an unavoidable consequence of life?
DARREN HARDY: Stress is a part of life. Life requires stress. As a muscle needs resistance to grow stronger, so do we. Many times, stress awakens our greater potential and makes us rise to the performance we were capable of all along, but we needed the challenge.
2. Why do some people seem to stress out more than others? Do some people just naturally tolerate stressors more easily than others?
DH: Ultimately, stress is a mental illusion, an interpretation and a perception. What is stressful to one person is blissful to another. Heights might be stressful for one person, while free-falling out of an airplane is sheer bliss for another. Public speaking might completely debilitate one person but be the most empowering activity for another. Losing $100,000 in the stock market might be less stressful for one person than having a bad hair day is for another. Stress is a mental perception, chosen by the perceiver.
3. Please give some of your favorite tips for managing existing stress (assuming the stressors can’t be prevented).
• DH: Don’t major in minors. Ask yourself, In 20 years, will this matter? Will I even remember this? If not, it is minor and you shouldn’t fret. Do you remember what you were stressed out about on Oct. 21, 1988? My point exactly.
• This too shall pass. There are ebbs and flows to life; some call them seasons. Spring follows winter. How regularly? Every time. Keep your mind on the spring that is coming as you move through the winter.
• What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. This is the way of growth. The great trials of our lives awaken the greater potential inside of us. Welcome stress and difficulty, as they may be the alarm clock that awakens the greatness that lies sleeping inside.
• “At least I don’t live in Bosnia.” I remember feeling stressed and sorry for myself one time in the past. I turned on the TV and saw images of the way people lived and suffered in Bosnia. I felt pretty guilty about my pitiful “stresses.” Now every time I think I have it bad or am feeling stressed I say, “Well, at least I don’t live in Bosnia—so, this isn’t so bad after all.”
If that doesn’t do it, read Man’s Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl. He depicts the level of stress the human condition can handle; yours is probably minor in comparison. Now I say, “Thank God I am not Gary Boyd.” Click here to read why.
• Get over yourself! You are not the only one to experience stress, difficulty, frustration and pain. What happens to you happens to all of us. There is no conspiracy against you. We all experience hurt, disappointment, heartache, loss, failure, sadness, misfortune, setback, defeat, distress, despondency, despair… or whatever else is causing you stress.
Something I learned from Jim Rohn goes like this: It is not what happens to you that makes the difference in how your life works out. What happens to you happens to all of us. It’s how you respond to what happens to you that determines the major outcome of your life.
4. What are your ideas for building resilience against stress or preventing it?
DH: Read this to find the answer.
What are your best stress survival strategies? Share your ideas with the rest of us in the comments below.
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Comments
Pilates, Yoga, a good runn, giving someone else a back massage. You have to take deep breaths and tell yourself this is a minor “speed bump”. Most A personality people stress too much and B types don’t stress enough. You are absolutely right, if it does not kill you it will make you stronger and wiser. Thank you for your wise and always timely articles.
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Darren Hardy Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 4:20 pm
Like your “giving someone else a back massage” tip. Not “get a back massage”! Perfect example of my theory here: http://darrenhardy.success.com/2010/01/db10-give-goal-setting7/ Thanks, UC!
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UC has it right; nothing clears the head like a good run. Keep yourself in good physical condition and you will be better equipped mentally as well. Also, look at some of the things that are adding stress to your life. How many of those things are caused by your pattern of decision making? Try making a different decision or taking a different approach next time the situation comes up. Consider doing the opposite of what you would “normally” do. You might be surprised at the results.
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Hi Darren, Timely post. I work in a very high pace high level of stress environment. I have always maintained my stress level for a long time. I grew up in Philippines most of my life where everyone you meet on the street is literally just thankful they are live everyday. I can relate when you say , “get over yourself” because I remember growing up everyone cared for people outside of themselves. You know the usual “how are you” was taken into a different level in conversation because in my town there was high degree of empathy wherever you turned. Less thinking about oneself and more about the community the “tribe”.
So my story goes like this, my Marketing director asked me recently why I never ever look stress or act stress. And as you know you catch people emotions whether happy, sad, or grumpy. I didn’t really know how to answer her. Except that everyday I wake up feeling very grateful that God has given me aother day to live. I feel truly blessed to be ALIVE. And when stress does creep up small or not. I take deep breathing exercises:
In mouth out mouth
In mouth out nose
In nose out nose
In nose out mouth
In mouth out mouth
In mouth out nose
Then I count ALL my blessings. It was never about the ‘world out there’ but what’s going on ‘inside’ that matters.
Thanks for this…I really appreciate ALL your work.
Sincerely,
Therese Miu
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Darren Hardy Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 4:22 pm
Counting ALL of your blessings is great advice, Therese! Certainly puts everything into perspective. Thanks!
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Darren,
A big AMEN to all of the above suggestions. And add BREATHING as the reader above points out…ready & IN comes the good….and OUT goes the STRESS…okay repeat…
Thanks for all your hard work!
Lynn
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I think we treat stress like a badge of honor in some places. Thinking that we are something special if we are the most stressed out. As Darren said, stress is based on your perception not that you are actually accomplishing something.
Josh Bulloc
Kansas City, MO
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One aspect of being stressed is the feeling of being out of control. Control what you can. Order the sequence of the music that you listen to. Make checklists so you don’t forget something, and maintain the list. Set standard routines. Take scheduled and spontaneous vacations that last from minutes to days. Watch comedy, not conflict. Treat others well. Perform random acts of kindness, without expecting a return. Plan your life, then work the plan. Have written goals. Spend an extra few seconds in your daily shower. Walk in the rain. Watch the rain. Get a Lava Lamp. Plan ahead. Allow for extra travel time to appointments. Let the other driver go before you. Leave a safe gap between cars. Smile before the other person does.
Ron
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Darren Hardy Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 4:23 pm
LOL, “Get a Lava Lamp.” Had to smile at that one, Ronald! But yes, all great advice, THANKS!
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I try not to not even get to the point of feeling stressed, and here’s how:
- no complaining – it is wasted energy that could be used in a more positive and productive way.
- exercise
- laughter – watch a favourite comedy, movie, call a funny friend
- call someone who has a calming and positive effect on you and with whom who can’t really talk about what is ‘stressing’ you – I call my grandmother. I can’t talk about work challenges with her, most times she will just speak about things in her life like her parrot, her store, my grandfather. I find tihs very calming and she always makes me feel like hearing my voice is the best thign ever.
- alone time. Just be alone either at home or the office, take a moment for yourself and be quiet, no music, nothing work related, no intense reading. Calm your mind by yourself.
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This blog came at just the right time for me. Thanks Darren.
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Darren,
Well said. I also practice every day the advice from author, Dan Millman. “Breathe, relax & be in the present.”
Looking forward to seeing you in Carlsbad, CA in August.
All my best,
Barry Schlouch
PS: I will bring you a copy of my new book- Excellence In Construction.
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Darren Hardy Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 4:24 pm
Looking forward to it, Barry!!!
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I was talking with a friend of mine the other day and we were discussing how so many young people are taking something for stress. She works at a video store were they have to know if those who are employed are taking any medications. I was shocked that there are so many taking some from of drugs to treat stress depression and what have you.
It’s great that you have addressed this topic. There are so many individual cures that we can do for stress besides drugs and to me the greatest is to know that someone love you and cares for you.
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Hey Darren – I think someone said that the root of all stress is FEAR. Identify the fear (what am I affraid of?), break it down and isolate it. What’s the worst than can happen? Thank you for all your great insight and bringing up relevant and prevelant issues. I’m learning a lot! meb.
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Darren Hardy Reply:
June 29th, 2010 at 4:25 pm
Great point, Mike! I have my thoughts on FEAR as well. Check them out: http://darrenhardy.success.com/2009/09/fear/
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Thanks Darren,
Got this just in the nick of time
Errol
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Great Post Darren!
I am in control my actions & responses to everything. It’s my choice to react or respond. It’s all in the way I think. You said it Darren, Perception is Everything!
–Bonnie
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It’s all about getting outside your “little” self and reaching inwards to your greater power. The stress game is just a movie playing inside your head. Change the movie to something you want to really see and at the same time, reach out to someone in need nd share your talents.
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Darren Hardy Reply:
June 30th, 2010 at 7:34 am
Ya, change the DVD playing from ‘Night of the Living Dead’ with ‘Life is Beautiful’!
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You are right Darren;
Perceptions are like a movie in your head and you are the producer so just change the scene!
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It seems that people get stressed by the “little” things…really ‘meaningless’ things. Sometimes I believe some people talk about their “stress”, just to get sympathy or attention. I like to exercise, bike ride, lift weights, push-ups, crunches, etc. If I ever feel sorry for myself, I think of all my “blessings”, and how good my life really is. I have traveled around the world, and have been to many different countries, so I know how good we have it here, where we are Free, have adequate shelter, food on the table, and have many choices and opportunities every day. Like your statement “at least I don’t live in Bosnia”, there are many other places in the world where lives are much, much more stressful than anything most of us experience here in the US…It truly is Great to live in such a wonderful country.
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Darren Hardy Reply:
June 30th, 2010 at 7:29 am
That’s right! Every day on the right side of the dirt is a good day!
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Pat your dog or any pets, it will help reduce your stress. Dog or any pets will love you if you do it!
Jennifer
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Darren Hardy Reply:
June 30th, 2010 at 7:28 am
Great advice Jennifer! That is what I do. This is my sweet Lucy: http://darrenhardy.success.com/2009/08/i-love-lucy/
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I believe laughter is the best way.
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Yesterday I received a bad news from my employer which will affect my career after trying so hard to be where I wanted to be. Feeling underrated, unappreciated, etc..The first 30 mins was quite stressful. Then I told myself, I’ve had enough of it and started to crack some jokes among my colleagues and start laughing and smiling. I felt better
Btw, thanks for this great article Darren!
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Stress is there within lack of, exactly, clear vision.
For me the best way to reduce stress is, simply, keep doing the things that are true for myself. And when I am working on my dream, I can’t find stress more big than the dream that mean my existence here.
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Hi Darren;
Retired in Feb., as a result of stress………Took 3 months to get over myself!!!
Now I laugh out how important I thought I, and my ideas were!! Hoping to share my experiences with other people through coaching.
Thanks, your dead on!
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What is life without stress, In order for us to be appreciateable of what we are and all the things we have they has been some stressing to achieving, I seem to think the two are parallels and they is none without the other.
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Great post Darren, I have found that it is easier to talk about something than it is to go through it. The idea is to always focus on what can be and not what is. Life has its way of giving and taking. However, I have learned that whatever life takes it will give back all the more. Scripture says, “be anxious for nothing…” Patience is the key.
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Great interview Darren! I think that how we address stress is more important then trying to avoid it. In this day and age we are all under some kind of “stress”, so much so that our sympathetic nervous system (fight or flight) is in constant overdrive. What I believe needs to happen is more people need to engage the parasympathetic nervous system (rest and digest).
The best way for this is exercise. Exercise would heighten the sympathetic nervous system so when a person stops exercising the parasympathetic nervous system would kick in. This would not only help in handling stress, but get a person in shape
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Darren Hardy Reply:
June 30th, 2010 at 3:45 pm
So true, Gregg! Exercise has a multitude of advantages!!!
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Excellent article!!! As Certified Travel Agents we hear about the stress in the lives of our guests everyday. It has become a pandemic. You have made the whole “stress” thing seem easier to handle. Your article is so right on for today’s society. We have shared your article with our FaceBook friends and sent a Tweet. Our Firm is dedicated to helping our guests reduce stress in their lives and in travel. Thanks for your guidance. Cheers, Gala Reitz
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Darren Hardy Reply:
June 30th, 2010 at 3:44 pm
Thanks for sharing with your friends and followers, Gala!
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Hi Darren you have hit on my favorite topic, I love stress. I find that I operate at my best when challenges arise and there is stress involved, but is was not always this way it took a bit of a different outlook to achieve this. First a mentor of mine told me. That feeling you get in the pit of your stomach that almost makes you sick, when all things are out of control is what we call the pull, some people call it Fear, Anxiety, Stress there are many names but now I call it the PULL!! It is the feeling that draws me into the things I will learn that speed up my growth process, and expand my comfort zone. It also shows the way I need to go, I say this because the most rewarding things in my life have come out of challenging situations, so take the challenge.
There are two books that have helped me greatly in the area of stress. How to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie, and How to stop worrying and start living By Dale Carnegie. The first book is because most stressfull situations in life involve other people. The second is because we first need to change OUR outlook on life and stress.
I will leave you with my two favorite sayings.
Think of the solution not the problem, for what you focus on expands.
A problem cannot be solved at the same level of thinking it was created at, so if you do not see a solution get some new information and raise your level of thought, and the solution will appear.
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Stressed is simply desserts spelled backwards. Easy to indulge in the short term but detrimental to your health in the long run…
-Chris
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So timely Mr. Hardy! By all accounts, I am going through very stressful life events right now – new job, divorce, moving myself and aging parents (one with Alzheimer’s). But since everything is a choice, I could sit in a corner eating tubs of ice cream feeling sorry for myself. But instead I have chosen to pick myself up, stay positive, and allow me to take care of “me”. When I start to feel what I call “pocket moments” come on (where you feel like crawling into a pocket and hiding), I indulge in 1 minute of self-pity and then remember everything fantastic about my life. And there are many more fantastic things than not! I also meditate, exercise, spend lots of time with my dog, surround myself with positive people, and try to sleep more. It’s amazing how getting enough sleep can bolster your spirit. The most important thing is to just not let it get me down too much. There are always stressors in life, and I just need to roll with them, learn from them, and then move on.
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Darren Hardy Reply:
July 1st, 2010 at 2:54 pm
Seems like you would enjoy my “Enough Already!” post, Erin: http://darrenhardy.success.com/2010/03/enough-already/ Not that it sounds like you need it at all!!!
Kudos to you for limiting your pity-time and learning to roll with the punches!
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I’ve googled “Jokes” when stressed, Comedy Central has a good site also. You can read them by category (political jokes, jokes by specific comedians, etc). If you don’t have a lot of time, it’s a good way to de-stress. According to Roger von Oech (a creativity “guru”), it can stimulate creativity as well.
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As an adult, my father told me that stress was “All In Your Head.” He taught me to identify what needed to be done and do it. By getting the things done there is no stress. Later as a Marine, I experienced combat in some of the worst conditions possible. I laugh now when I hear co-workers complain of stress, because having bullets pass by your head makes all this seem easy. Keep up the good work!
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Darren Hardy Reply:
July 1st, 2010 at 2:51 pm
Nice reality check, James! Thanks for sharing and THANKS for serving our country!!!
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Brian J. Maher Reply:
July 2nd, 2010 at 3:58 am
Thank you James…. you are a true hero. I can sit here on my computer and be grateful for my life because of people like you! Thank you !
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Darren,
Thank you! I realized (many years ago) that most of our reactions are due to fear. The thought of losing something, our ego being hurt and not understanding the unknown. As most people said the “perception of reality”. The greatest gift given to us is the ability to get out of our heads and into our hearts. The understanding that most people project their insecurities on us and some how we take it personally. So if we check ourselves during conversation, we will realize it is not about us it is about them. Becareful not to judge and respect the person in the moment. Some of the physical things I do to manage stress in my life:
1. Receive a Chiropractic adjustment : The connection to the mind body and spirit lies with in your nerve system. This is the corner stone to making your body whole and fully communicating. Then the rest of my suggestions come at ease.
2. Have a physical outlet : Martial arts, running, kayaking, etc.
3. Balanced and organically driven diet.
4. Balanced relationships developed by solid communication.
5. Take time for me everyday so I can be a better servant to others.
6. These are just some of the things I do!
Developing a strong mind and body, stress doesn’t have a chance….since it is the # 1 killer.
Thank you again,
Brian Maher- chiropractor with a purpose
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Darren Hardy Reply:
July 2nd, 2010 at 1:41 pm
GREAT list, Brian! Thanks for sharing it!
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Two observations:
1) Many times we feel stress if we are not concentrating on a higher purpose, so instead we try to alleviate the symptoms and not identify the true cause of our discomfort.
We’ve all heard the phrase, “No pain, no gain.” If we are not focusing on the goal (the gain), we’ll instead feel the pain. If we are focusing on the goal, the pain can become almost irrelevant.
2) Recently, I was feeling stressed until I stopped to analyze the cause. I realized that internally I was whining to myself, “But, it shouldn’t be this way. My life should be different and much easier than this.”
Finally, I figuratively grabbed myself by the shoulders and said, “It is the way it is. So what are you going to do about it?”
Once I made a plan and went to work on it, the stress dissipated.
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Darren Hardy Reply:
July 2nd, 2010 at 1:52 pm
Amazing what a plan can do to change your stress level, Ted!
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Saeed Fadhl Akari Reply:
July 3rd, 2010 at 8:40 am
To find the right road to avoid bad stress or we will be ill in bed
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Stress is taking place to MIND and Body but a body stress easier than stress in brain
Saeed Akari
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Darren,
Great article with excellent action steps!
I can’t wait to read your new book.
Mike Saunders, MBA
Author of: “The PRISM Salvation-a 3-Step Solution to Social Media Domination for Busy Business Owners”
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Nice post, we cant sweat the little things!
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Excellent article! It is a joy to read these articles on a regular basis. They have certainly been helpful to me and my team. THANK YOU for your continued hard work!
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When I’m stressed I go for walks because they calm me down, plus they’re relaxin, and peaceful.
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Darren Hardy Reply:
July 19th, 2010 at 3:00 pm
That they are, Derick! Thanks!
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The best way I have found to defeat stress is to start your day with God. Before you even set your feet out of bed give him thanks for all the good things that are going on in your life. This seems to start your day off right. Then pray for His guidance in everything that you do. Listening to motivational cd’s help also. After doing this for a while you will start to get into a better mindset and you’ll find that your stress level is under control.
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Sweden massage is the foundation for various massage techniques. Then individuals get innovativeand add their own special touches to make it more enjoyable and relaxing. You generally can’t go wrong with the Rock massage. Not everybody enjoys their noggin massaged, primarily for any length of time. Accupressure in the Balinese could be agonizing if your loved one has any health ailments. The Abhyanga massage could be pretty good, I haven’t tried it yet, but Ayurvedic massage is from India and their techniques are a bit different.
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Well where do i start to cut a long story short my partner and i have just lost $100,000 and a year of our lives on a bad business . i am trying really had to let it go but even if i forget by day , it keeps me a awake at night it breaks my heart to think about it . will we ever get back to wear we were . all our plans for the future have gone out the window . do these feeling ever go away and as for remembering what i did in 2010 i dont think i will ever forget losing all that money .any advice would help
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Darren Hardy Reply:
January 3rd, 2011 at 4:31 pm
You have to keep moving forward, Cathy. Take a look at this: http://darrenhardy.success.com/2009/10/rearview/
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cathy Reply:
January 24th, 2011 at 2:16 am
thanks for the insight darren i dont want to be stuck in the past so there is only one way to go forward
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