An Intelligence Test (1 of 2)


You probably know by now I was raised by a single father who was a university football coach by profession (and personality). My dad was only 24 years old when I was born so he only knew how to parent like he coached.

Like Tom Hanks said in the movie A League of Their Own, “There’s no crying in baseball!”
Well, there

is definitely no crying in football… so there was no crying in our household.

You got used to hearing two things in our house: either “Stop your sniveling and tough it out” or “Keep crying and I’ll give you something to cry about!” The last one always baffled me. If I was already crying I probably already came up with a pretty good reason.

Anyway, the point is I was taught to control my emotions, to disconnect from what I was feeling and handle most situations mentally.

I have found many people of my generation, and most definitely those before me, were raised with very similar beliefs. The term “emotional” came to mean weak, out of control and even childish.

“Don’t be a baby!” we say to the little boy who is crying on the playground. “Leave him alone! Let him work it out!” and we admonish the little girl who runs to help the little boy.

On the other hand, our abilities to memorize and problem-solve, to spell words and do mathematical calculations, are easily measured on written tests and slapped as grades on report cards.

Ultimately, these intellectual abilities dictate which college will accept us and which career paths we‘re advised to follow.

However, this is the conundrum we are discovering: intellectual intelligence (IQ) is usually less important in determining how successful we will become than emotional intelligence (EQ).

We all know people who are academically brilliant and yet are socially inept and unsuccessful. What they are missing is emotional intelligence.

This will become more and more true in the structure of this new economy. We are now living in a more social economy, where transparent communication, authenticity and social proof are the key values.

Success in the new economy is far more relational than it is intellectual. And when it comes to human relationships, it will be your emotional intelligence, not your intellectual intelligence, that will become your advantage.

Research vets this out:
The U.S. Air Force started selecting recruiters primarily based on their EQ scores and not their academic background. They found a three-fold increase in success by those they hired based on EQ scores alone. This gave them an immediate gain of $3 million annually, and led to the secretary of defense ordering all branches of the armed forces to adopt this procedure in recruitment and selection—something you might consider as well when recruiting for your business.

Partners in a multinational consulting firm were tested for the difference in their EQ. Those who scored higher delivered $1.2 million more than their counterparts—a 139% incremental gain.

Jobs of medium complexity (sales clerks, mechanics) are 12 times more productive if they have high EQ. Those in the most complex jobs and who are top performers (insurance salespeople, account managers) are 127% more productive than an average performer.

At L’Oreal, sales agents with high EQ sold $91,370 more than other salespeople did, for a net revenue increase of $2,558,360—plus they were 63% less likely for turnover.

Bottom line is competency research in over 200 companies and organizations worldwide suggests success at work is about one-third technical skill and cognitive ability while two-thirds is due to emotional competence.

In top leadership positions, over four-fifths of the difference is due to emotional competence.

Now that you know how important this topic and competency is, in the next post I will offer you a suggestion on how to test if you are being a “jerk at work” and in other areas of your life. You might be surprised at what you didn’t know about yourself!

How were you raised? Praised for intellectual accomplishments
or emotional development? Share your experiences in the comments below.



33 responses to “An Intelligence Test (1 of 2)”

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  2. Great post Darren- I thought this line is the key to the future: “where transparent communication, authenticity and social proof are the key values.” Harnessing what neuroscience is teaching us about how we can learn emotional intelligence is the answer and it’s also my quest.

  3. @Hayat,I DID NOT accept losing my family. I have been imprisoned unjustly in the highest security prison in the UK because of my attempts to expose the TRUTH and have my family return to me. I have done nothing WRONG or BAD. My wife has made 3 definite attempts to return to me after having LIED to the authorities about me in the first place. My purpose in life at this time and since I lost my family 3 1/2 years ago IS to have my family back with me. I will NEVER accept losing them. Only recently a 4th attempt was hinted at by a mutual friend of both my wife and myself but this has also apparently failed and just today I instigated divorce proceeding against my wife in the hope she will come clean on the whole subject.

  4. Billy Shaw, I sincerely sympathise with you. But you lost your family only bcos you accepted loosing them. You will surely reagain them anytime you promised yourself to regain your family. Always remember; your paradise today is in your heart.

  5. @Hayat, I have been hurt tremendously by the loss of my family since 2nd Sept. 2008. I have tried to use my EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE, as promoted by Darren, to have my family to return to me but so far it hasn’t worked. I believe the seeking of happiness is THEE most important search for all of humankind and if more nations were to think along those lines then knowledge and financial security would NATURALLY follow.

  6. With academic intelligence, you seek for more knowledge, with financial intelligence you seek for more wealth and with emotional intelligence you seek for more happiness. The world will be a better place if emotional literacy is achieved.

  7. I was born in the 40’s on a farm in a poor family. With 8 hungry people sitting at the table, crying wouldn’t get you that last biscuit. Even today my wife tells me I eat too fast because of my childhood. :)

    Excellent Article Darren. Keep up the good work.

  8. @Darren Hardy, i did not point a finger at my brother, i just forwarded your article to him in the hope he begins to recognise the STRENGTH of my emotions. you suggest that I need to change when your article is stressing the importance of EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE?

  9. My emotions are high at this time in my life due to the loss of my family and my supposedly high IQ brother suggests that I move on and forget my wife of over 20 years and our 2 daughters as if they didn’t exist. i fail to understand your reply to me especially when your article is promoting EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

  10. @Billy Shaw, That doesn’t sound like the high IQ (or nice) thing to do Billy. Tell him what YOU learned and where YOU need to change and maybe he will see something in it for him… but not at the end of a finger point.

  11. @Barry Schlouch,

    I love that you worked on your EI. I wish more people would do the same. It’s HARD WORK to work through your emotions and issues, but always worth it. It even brings health to your body. I’d guess your family is very blessed to have you in it! Wish more were like you.

  12. I’ve ALWAYS been a “walk it off” person myself, but that doesn’t have to me uncaring or non-empathetic. Winners put themselves in someone else’s shoes and think with both their minds and their hearts before they speak. My number one goal these days is to listen more than I talk. When I do that I am infinitely more effective!!

    Cheers to you Mr Hardy~You’ve come a long way!!

  13. I was born in 1941 near Sydney Australia.. My father was never emotionally connected with me..hard worker, drunk regularly and often violent. Mum,sister and I often hid from him. Sober he was no problem but I think because he was a young man in the depression he suppressed feelings, The stiff british upper lip culture didn’t help either. So I don’t blame him for it….it was the culture then. In Australia we had “cubs” for 8 yr olds which is based on the stories of Rudyard Kipling, and even there we were told not to cry !
    So I became a successful (? ) engineer but I believe lack of EQ has held me back, despite trying to ‘get it perfect’ with additional technical courses.. I still find it difficult relating to people, especially on the phone.
    So thank you Darren for the wake up call..I look froward to hearing more.

  14. yep… I sell heating and air conditioning and I work with the best sales person I’ve ever met.
    You know what he knows about heating and air conditioning? Not a whole lot.
    You know what he has? He is absolutely PASSIONATE about whatever it is he is talking about. his enthusiasim is contagious.
    Again.. these are boilers…. and air conditioning systems… toally passionate.

  15. It was only towards the end of my maths teaching career that I figured this out!
    Thanks Darren for stressing this point now. So many of us need to be constantly reminded of it for us, our kids and our grandkids.

  16. Hi Darren,
    Very important subject. I was raised not being allowed to show emotions – and being a soft girl they laughed at me every time I was crying since I was a little baby. My father hit me until I was 17. At that time I had collected courage enough to look him into his eyes and say – If you hit me I will hit you again. After that he stopped. But it has been a journey for me to become a decent person, to be tolerant and love my neighbourgh.
    Very severe illness and the touch of Gods hand has changed my life into a wonderful a positive life. And you know something!! My two girls have been raised with unlimited love and they are now wonderful women in their 30th and have completed my family with two great sons in law and beautiful grandchildren. I feel truly blessed and know for sure that IQ is nothing worth without emotional intelligens.

  17. EQ has explained the success of many people. New brain imaging techniques back up what many have written about the power of high EQ and its cousin, Social Intelligence.

    Also part of the reason for my book, The Intelligent Nurse.

  18. Raised in an abusive alcoholic environment. Through many years of counseling and hanging on to the truth of the Bible I am so very blessed to be where I am today!

    Thanks Darren! I too am looking forward to part 2!! :-)

  19. Great post, goes along with being happy and you will do well. Easy ways to boost the bottom line hire those who get along with others, are happy with themselves and know themselves.

  20. How were you raised? Praised for intellectual accomplishments or emotional development?

    Darren, I was raised similar to yourself with a tough it out approach and felt rewarded for working hard.

    When I met my wife, Deb at age 18 and married with our little boy on the way at 19, it changed my life. The tough it out approach was no longer constructive as a husband and parent for a long term positive relationship, marriage, or friendship. For almost ten years I spent 3 hours every Saturday with a Clinical Psychologist to develop my emotional intelligence. The result = world class health, family (35 years of marriage), career (29 years in business and growing), team and positive influence on others (both of our children now work with me in our family business and we are best friends).

    Looking back, I would not change a thing. I feel blessed for having the “tough it out approach” childhood. It’s help me become the person I am today and I’m able to better understand, connect, and help with people that seem stuck on EQ.

    Excellent post Darren.


  21. I like this post a lot. I was rased by a military father and mother who taught my brothers and me along the same principles so i’m working in this.

    Can’t wait for part 2!