An Intelligence Test (2 of 2)
To improve our EQ (emotional intelligence) we first have to find out if we are being a “jerk at work” without our even knowing it.
Here’s what I suggest you do: perform a 360 Review on yourself.
We all think we know ourselves and how we show up in the world. But our perception of ourselves might be one of our greatest limitations. The effect we have on our environment and those around us could be very different from what we think… or want.
One year, I asked several people in my life how I was “showing up” to them. I was flabbergasted by what they told me. Wow, I had no idea I was “doing that!” I thought I was behaving one way, but I was being perceived completely different than I imagined.
At first I was hurt; then I grew defensive (back in my lower-EQ years). After
receiving the same response more than once, I knew I was busted. I then realized why I was having difficulty advancing in certain areas of my life.
This could be happening to you… without you even knowing it. While it might be a scary and possibly painful process, it might also break you through what might be holding you back from your greater potential. That makes it worth it in the end.
Here are a few questions to ask: there is one thing I could improve to connect better with people, what would it be?
How do I show up?
What do I think people judge or believe about me, right or wrong, when they first meet me?
Do I think I really listen to people?
Am I defensive?
Am I empathetic and do I demonstrate that I care?
there is one thing I could improve to connect better with people, what would it be?
Now, here are a few key tips to this process:
- Ask those who care enough about you to be (brutally) honest.
- Give them permission to be candid. Tell them that you need their help and that help requires their frank feedback. The more seemingly harsh, the more constructive it will be.
- Don’t be defensive, just listen—really listen—and encourage them to explain their answer so you can receive as much outside perspective as possible.
- Thank them sincerely for caring enough and feeling safe enough in the relationship to be completely forthright and honest with you. It’s as risky and difficult for them to make their suggestions as it is for you to hear them.
- Select one suggestion to be one of your self-improvement goals for this year.
Now I know this is a big challenge. This process is not for the faint of heart. How committed are you really to your personal development? If not so much, skip this.
If you are really serious about becoming the person who deserves the goals you have for your life, this exercise is essential.
Trust me, I can speak from personal experience; this could be one of the most profound, revealing and life-altering exercises you ever do.
Again, I warn, this can be a bit like ripping a Band-Aid off a wound, but it’s better than the prolonged pain of having it torn off slowly—either way, the bandage has to come off to promote growth.
If you are brave enough to do it, I want to know who you are… and I’d love to know how it went. When you do this with 3-5 people, tell me about the experience. Come back here and tell us on this blog, or catch me on Facebook, Twitter or LinkedIn. I can’t wait to read about your experiences—I’ll be looking for them.
Share your comments, reflections or experiences in the comments below. Use the ‘Share’ button to encourage others to consider taking The Intelligence Test as well.